Out

It’s been two years since I last posted about the rat race. Since then my attitude has increasingly drifted towards exiting the game. A few factors contribute to this:

Covid-19

I caught the virus last year. Even though I didn’t reach the point of needing hospitalization, it was a very painful experience nonetheless, and one that makes you reconsider your priorities and question the meaning of life and work. I also spent some time at home with my kids in an attempt at forced home schooling, and I felt that I should be spending more time with them. Much of childcare has so far been outsourced, which makes financial sense, but there is an irreplaceable cost of missing out on spending quality time with the kids while they and I are still young.

Burnout

Work itself became less and less enjoyable. Perhaps because of some disagreements on how things should run, perhaps because my tolerance for politics and other office bullshit has decreased substantially, perhaps because I was simply bored with doing the same thing for years. Maybe all of the above. Either way, my intrinsic motivation to perform started waning, and work felt like a burden, something that requires external motivation in order to tolerate. That motivation usually is the pay. Which brings me to the next point.

Money

The money itself feels increasingly less important. Partially that’s because my employment income has started being dwarfed by my portfolio returns. It doesn’t mean it’s irrelevant, but it doesn’t create the same amount of urgency as it did years ago when I absolutely relied on it to pay the rent. And beyond a certain point it is less of a priority.

Endgame

More broadly, money aside I’m not that “hungry” anymore. I feel that at some point there should be an end to the game, and a victory declared. But what I see above me in the corporate world is nothing of the sort. If anything the higher one goes there seems to be an increasing amount of stress and a decreasing amount of freedom. And yes, an increasing amount of money to go with it but beyond a certain point, that money won’t be enjoyed at least not by the current generation. The majority will go to taxes, and some will stay for the descendants. But I feel that my kids would ultimately appreciate me spending more time with them than leaving them more money, something that will hopefully happen long after they have been fully independent themselves.

This thought is perhaps more prevalent because in the past year money can’t be enjoyed much due to the pandemic, and even more so because when the world briefly paused I kept going, and I felt that time is running fast, and started having some kind of early mid-life crisis.

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Hesitation

Despite becoming more and more disillusioned with work and burned out, my ultra-conservative self has been hesitating to leave. Kind of like walking on a plank high above a swimming pool, ready to take a dive, but fearing to jump as you reach the end and look down.

One reason is uncertainty for the future, especially because the solution to my perception of the reason for my current state of unhappiness is to be a full time dad, with a part time hustle of managing my investment portfolio and maybe another yet unidentified part time gig, but one that allows the full time parenting to go on. And what if after a few years of that I change my mind and want to go back to full time work and I can’t because I have made myself unemployable in the process? Am I limiting myself and reducing my optionality, not in terms of money or career potential but also in terms of the satisfaction that comes with personal achievements and self-fulfillment?

But then again, if I stay where I am, am I actually decreasing my overall optionality in terms of other opportunities, personal or professional, that may not necessarily be as lucrative but they may offer greater overall satisfaction?

Jump

So I have just decided to jump. I haven’t reached the water below yet, but my feet have left the safe ground of the plank and I am looking forward to the new environment.